; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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