just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
