I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
