I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
