i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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