just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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