Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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