Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
