I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
