why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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