woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
