From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
