He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
