I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
