Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
