No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
