Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
