i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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