i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
