First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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