I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
