Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
