Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
