Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
