Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
