Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
