Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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