If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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