i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
