If i come over, it means nothing
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
