I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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