If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize