so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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