you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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