Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You pole danced in your parka.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
