He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
