Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
