i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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