i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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