I just pynch a tree in the face
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
