Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Found the puke drawer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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