He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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