sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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