ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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