Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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