this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
