If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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