you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
