I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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