either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
