we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
