I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
