After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
