shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
