The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
