Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
