where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
